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Microsoft ! Support Center
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a
couple of really important execs on board into Seattle
airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and
his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and
after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very
nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a
tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.
Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window
Where am I The solitary office worker replies You're in an
airplane. The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and
executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five
miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die
from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he
did it.
Simple, replies the pilot, I asked the guy in that building a
simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but
absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft's
support office and from there the airport is three minutes
away on a course of 87 degrees.
Network Neighborhood!
Tech Right-click on Network Neighborhood.
Customer I don't see it.
Tech Keep looking. Customer I still don't see it.
Tech Please keep looking, it will definitely be on your
desktop somewhere.
Customer What was it again Tech Network Neighborhood.
Customer No, I don't see it. It's not there.
Tech Okay, go ahead and read every icon you see on your screen
to me.
Customer I see My Computer, My Documents, Recycle Bin, My
Briefcase, Network Neighborhood, Explorer.....
Tech Okay, stop there. You just read Network Neighborhood to
me. Right-click there please.
Customer Right-click what Tech Network Neighborhood. Customer
I don't see it
New Game!
Customer My computer crashed!
Tech Support It crashed
Customer Yeah, it won't let me play my game.
Tech Support All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.
Customer No, it didn't crash -- it crashed.
Tech Support Huh Customer I crashed my game. That's what I
said before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work.
Tech Support Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'
Customer [pause] Wow! How'd you learn how to do that
Black and White ! Where are
the Colors
Received a call from a new user wanting to know why her
documents were not printing in color from the laser printer.
I told her that the printer is a black and white laser
printer.
She said well the program said what you see is what you will
get.
I told her again that the printer is only prints in black and
white.
She continued to blame the software and her computer along
with printer and wanted someone to come take a look at it.
Operating System!
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer.
The tech asked her if she was running it under Windows.
The woman then responded, No, my desk is next to the door. But
that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window,
and his is working fine.
Drinking
It's a fallacy that alcohol makes you fat.
It doesn't.
It makes you lean.... against bars, poles, walls and other
drunks!
Peeing!
Tech Support OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys
at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of
the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program
Manager.
Customer I don't have a 'P'.
Tech Support On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer What do you mean
Tech Support 'P' on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer I'm not going to do that! |
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